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Jon Mark Beilue column
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Chews wisely when getting a puppy

September 23, 2016 noon

We are back in the dog business. Actually, we’re in the puppy business, and there’s a huge difference.
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The unpardonable sins of terrible driving

August 26, 2016 10:24 a.m.

The world would be a better place if everyone were as good a driver as I am. I’m so good I don’t even have to pay attention.
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The Olympics needs a good Cold War

July 29, 2016 10:03 a.m.

The threat of nuclear Armageddon with the Soviet Union was not a real popular pastime, but, boy, it sure livened up the Olympics.
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Oh, if a receding waistline were as easy as a hairline

June 24, 2016 11:52 a.m.

Of the many practical jokes of middle age, one is the receding hairline instead of the receding waistline.
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Give Dad the gift he can really use

May 27, 2016 noon

It’s always a hard call on what to get a dad.
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Who’s the sniveling coward? You are!

April 22, 2016 noon

Admit it, presidential campaign coverage is a guilty pleasure.
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Mustard on beans never sounded so normal

March 25, 2016 noon

It’s a jungle out there, and rest assured, someone is slapping peanut butter on the foliage and eating it.
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Auto-correct can be very ‘fresh wrong’

February 26, 2016 11:18 a.m.

That’s auto-correct. For every one word it corrects to the right meaning, there’s 10 nonsensical words in its place.
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Embrace the Winter – or something like that

January 29, 2016 10:54 a.m.

Yeah, I’m going to Embrace the Winter all right. I’m going to put my arm around this season, and start to squeeze, and then take my hands and tighten my grip, and squeeze more and more and yell maniacally and laugh hysterically…
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Does anyone have some grandkids I could borrow?

December 25, 2015 9:44 a.m.

I’m flat missing out on one of the truly revengeful joys of life – spoiling your grandkids rotten and then sending them back to your kids for them to deal with.
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